Peer Review About My Report:
- I loved your topic. I did get the general concept behind it because I am a big smartphone user. I thought you remained neutral throughout the entire piece. In the third paragraph when you talked about the EEG fingertip stimulators for smartphone and non-smartphone users, it would’ve been nice to read the comparison of the results instead of just the results of smartphone user fingertips.
- You didn’t use “I”, good job!
- What is the importance of the touch screen phones? How does this new technology make our lives better? Is the importance about creativity?
- The hook was interesting because you gave facts. The inventor behind the telephone and the year was nice. Maybe a cool fun fact about Alexander Graham Bell. Smoother transition.
- Based on your introduction, if I had no idea what a telephone was, I would not be able to figure out what you are talking about. Maybe describe what a telephone is. Although, anyone who reads this will probably know what a telephone is. Also, what is smartphone?
- The first sentence in each paragraph pretty much sums up what the rest of the paragraph will be about. Good job.
- I liked how you used more than three sources to back up your claims. It made me feel like what I was reading is reliable.
- You mentioned a few of the authors before presenting the quotes. Try to be more consistent with that because it lets us know where the information is coming from. A little more explanation behind the quote would be nice. The in-text citation look right. I don’t feel like you over quoted. I could tell a lot of it was your own thoughts.
- The reference page looks beautiful. Nice job with the alphabetical order.
- Overall you have a great piece and I have a few suggestions. I would like to know what a EEG is. I’ve taken a few science classes but for the readers who aren’t science majors, it would be nice to know. I love the title of your piece because it made me interested almost instantly. I think this is a great start
Peer Review About Liza’s Report:
I absolutely enjoyed this report wholeheartedly. The report is slightly biased in nature but is not very noticeable until the question is brought up. The writer avoided personal pronouns by replacing them with words such as patients and therapist as to proper address the individuals she was talking to in this report. The writer discusses virtual reality and its implementation in therapeutic exercises. The writer does state why these type of treatments are important to readers especially if the reader has a phobia or depression or knows somebody with those conditions. The lead-in sentence did not lure me in, but rather the title of the report itself intrigued me. The lead-in sentence does need some work but it is nothing major that interrupts the flow of the report. The writer was very clear and concise about background information which was a great addition to the essay. The reader was not left in the dark about any phrase or vocabulary. The transition sentences between paragraphs need some work but the first sentence of each body paragraph does serve as a topic sentence for what material and information is to come in the paragraph. The writer is currently only using 2 sources to which she cited in her report. The writer does not directly quote her sources but paraphrases and cites them in the correct manner. The Reference page is correct but lacks one source that is needed for the requirement. The report was very clear and educational and did not leave out a piece of information. It was very impressive to read and I am looking to do the same with my paper. All the information is digestible and accurate.